Writers often distinguish narcissists and codependents as opposites, but surprisingly, though their outward behavior may differ, they share many psychological traits. In fact, narcissists exhibit core codependent symptoms of shame, denial, control, dependency unconsciousand dysfunctional communication and boundaries, all leading to intimacy problems. One study showed a significant correlation between narcissism and codependency.
Instead, their thinking and behavior revolve around a person, substance, or process. Narcissists "Codependent and narcissistic personality disorder" suffer from a lack of connection to their true self. Their inner deprivation and lack connection to their real self makes them dependent on others for validation.
Consequently, like other codependents, their self-image, thinking, and behavior are other-oriented in order to stabilize and validate their self-esteem and fragile ego. is at the core of codependency and addiction. It stems from growing up in a dysfunctional family.
However, exaggerated self-flattery and arrogance merely assuage unconscious, internalized shame that is common among codependents. Children develop different ways of coping with the anxietyinsecurity, shame, and hostility that they experience growing up in dysfunctional families. To feel safe, children adopt coping patterns that give arise to an ideal self. One strategy is to accommodate other people and seek their love, affection, and approval.
Another is to seek recognition, mastery, and domination over others. Stereotypical codependents fall Codependent and narcissistic personality disorder the first category, and narcissists the second. They seek power and control of their environment in order to get their needs met. Their pursuit of prestige, superiority, and power help them to avoid feeling inferior, vulnerable, needy, and helpless at all costs. Additionally, the more a person pursues their ideal self, the further they depart from their real self, which only increases their false self, and sense of shame.
For more about these patterns and how shame and codependency co-emerge in childhood, see Conquering Shame and Codependency. Denial is Codependent and narcissistic personality disorder core symptom of codependency.
Codependents are generally in denial of their codependency and often their feelings and many needs. Similarly, narcissists deny feelings, particularly those that express vulnerability. Anger makes them feel powerful. Rage, arrogance, envy, and contempt are defenses to underlying shame.
Codependents deny their needs, especially emotional needs, which were neglected or shamed growing up. Some codependents act self-sufficient and readily put others needs first. Other codependents are demanding of people to satisfy their needs. Narcissists also deny emotional needs. They project judge as needy. Like other codependents, they may feel exploited by and resentful toward the people they help.
Many narcissists hide behind a facade of self-sufficiency and aloofness when it comes to needs for emotional closeness, support, grieving, nurturing, and intimacy. Their quest of power protects them from experiencing the humiliation of feeling weak, sad, afraid, or wanting or needing anyone—ultimately, to avoid rejection and feeling shame. Only the threat of abandonment reveals how dependent they truly are.
As a result, they project thoughts and feelings onto others and blame them for
Codependent and narcissistic personality disorder shortcomings and mistakes, all of which they cannot tolerate in themselves. Additionally, lack of boundaries makes them thin-skinned, highly reactive, and defensive, and causes them to take everything personally. Most codependents share these patterns of blame, reactivity, defensiveness, and taking things personally.
The behavior and degree or direction of feelings might vary, but the underlying process is similar. For example, many codependents react with self-criticism, self-blame, or withdrawal, while others react with aggression and criticism or blame of someone else. Yet, both behaviors are reactions to shame and demonstrate dysfunctional boundaries. They generally lack assertiveness skills. Their communication often consists of "Codependent and narcissistic personality disorder," demands, labeling, and other forms of verbal abuse.
On the other hand, some narcissists intellectualize, obfuscate, and are indirect. Like other codependents, they find it difficult to identify and clearly state their feelings.
Although they may express opinions and take positions more easily than other codependents, they frequently have trouble listening and are dogmatic and inflexible. These are signs of dysfunctional communication that evidence insecurity and lack of respect for the other person.
Like other codependents, narcissists seek control. Control over our environment helps us to feel safe. The greater our anxiety and insecurity, the greater is our need for control.
Finally, the combination of all these patterns makes intimacy challenging for narcissists and codependents, alike. If you have a relationship with a narcissist, check out my book, Dealing with a Narcissist: Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and expert on relationships and codependency. Lancer has counseled individuals and couples for 28 years and coaches internationally.
When a Narcissist Is Also Codependent. Retrieved on November 6,from https: Find help or get online counseling now. Shame Shame is at the core of codependency and addiction. Denial Denial is a core symptom of codependency. Control Like other codependents, narcissists seek control. Intimacy Finally, the combination of all these patterns makes intimacy challenging for narcissists and codependents, Codependent and narcissistic personality disorder. Hot Topics Today 1.
Writers often distinguish narcissists and codependents as opposites, but surprisingly, though their Codependency is a disorder of a “lost self. The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a The Oxford Dictionary defines codependency as: “Excessive emotional or. Despite their seemingly strong personality, narcissists are actually very vulnerable codependent who sacrifices his or her own needs to accommodate others.