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He dropped the charming line just five minutes after explaining to me that "oops," he wasn't gay, the app must have fucked up and popped me, a male, into his feed by accident. Our match was probably just a result of his "aggressive" swiping tendencies, he added. The fact that Benjamin started inquiring about blowjobs so quickly after declaring his absolute straightness was a little jarring, but I went with it anyway.

I jokingly told him I'd only S his D if he'd reciprocate. He said he'd consider it. A few messages later, he proposed a dick pic exchange. As fun as it was to flirt with Straight guys hook up, I wasn't seriously considering hooking up with him.

I had already learned by then to avoid getting with closeted guys.

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I'd been there, done that and them and always ended up resenting them for enjoying the pleasures of gay sex while not owning up to the rest of the gay package. Just come the fuck out already, I'd always think. What if Benjamin and the other "closeted" guys I'd been with weren't closeted at all? What if not all men who hook up with other men are gay or bisexual? These are complicated questions. He knows there are gay and bisexual identities, but he has no interest in either of those.

He feels totally at home in straight culture. That is the story of his life. Who are we to say his entire life is a lie because he has the capacity to have sex with a man once? This argument is the crux of Ward's book, which is arriving at a time when sexual fluidity is enjoying something of a cultural moment, with female celebrities like Ruby Rose and Miley Cyrus coming out in favor of loosening or straight-up ditching sexual identity labels.

There are myriad reasons for this double standard, chief among them a culture that glorifies masculinity and demands that men be sturdy and inflexibly hetero.

Such logic dictates that the masculine drive to put a P in a V is so strong, it completely negates any semblance of same-sex attraction. If heterosexuality were truly Straight guys hook up rigid, there wouldn't be so many straight guys having "gay" sex. I'm not the only gay guy on Tinder Straight guys hook up been propositioned by one of the app's straight Straight guys hook up. These stories are in line with what's actually a long history of straight dudes engaging in gay sex, which Ward explores in her book.

Data backs up the reality.

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Some examples, such as Hell's Angel bikers who would sometimes make out with each other, were instances of ironically asserting masculinity. The fact that we're quick to label such behavior as "gay" says a lot about our culture. Above all else, the examples of dude-on-dude intimacy discussed in Ward's book reveal just how much we cleave to our definition of heteronormative masculinity.

Gay test #1: Hey, Are...

This limited view is evident by how those who are strictly dickly — straight women and gay men Straight guys hook up are conditioned to view even the most mildly bi-curious guys. One experience means he's gay, in the closet," Ward said.

That can prompt fears on the part of a straight woman that her male partner isn't attracted to her, or he'll ditch her to be with a man, Grace and Frankie -style. That fetishization isn't always positive, as some relationships between gay men and the straight men who dabble with them are underpinned with resentment. We have to teach ourselves to see male sexual fluidity, as well as women's.

I'd be lying if I said that learning about all the straight men supposedly having sex with gay men didn't make me skeptical and cause some sexual FOMO.

But allowing personal hangups on masculinity and heterosexuality to shape our views of the straight men in our lives may only rob men of their sexual agency and refresh the cycle of homophobia. I'll never really know why Benjamin swiped right on me on Tinder. He blocked me shortly after our Straight guys hook up, and while it's very possible that this was because he was closeted, it's equally possible that he isn't.

Maybe he Straight guys hook up wanted a " bro-job " and was able to find it more easily from someone else. Or maybe his curiosity had just expired, and he wanted to get back to swiping on his primary sexual interest: Related stories by this author.

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The first whisper reads, " My best friend told me she was gay. That night we hooked up. 2 days later M ".

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What if Benjamin and the other "closeted" guys I'd been with weren't closeted at all? What if not all men who hook up with other men are gay or bisexual?. A new app hopes to help connect men who are interested in meeting other men for sex (among other activities) but who also may not want to.

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It only happened once — even though he wanted to do it again. Will our relationship be awkward? The rest is history. After that, I would go to see him twice a month. To keep it real, we were both attracted to one another. The guy offered to blow me, NSA. In time, we were both fully erect through our sweatpants.

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