This site uses cookies. By continuing, your consent is assumed. Learn more

130.4m shares

Tanned sunburned dick cock balls

opinion
tanned hussy with a hairy...

Let me start out saying that if you know me in real life, stop now. From time Tanned sunburned dick cock balls time, I have visited tanning beds. I did it in high school to have a nice color for prom. Throughout college and my early career years, I would get a few sessions in before taking a beach trip to get a nice base tan in an attempt to save myself from a sunburn while on vacation. Typically speaking, though, I gave up tanning a long time ago.

Having the Vinyl Village pool means that I usually get a little sun before any trips, and having the roof open on the car keeps me slightly tanned year round. I never was, and never will be, one of those people who tans so much that they turn orange. I saw such a creature this past weekend at a fundraiser. The poor thing must have slept in a sunbed every night…she was literally the color of a basketball, and had almost the same texture.

I simply hop into the tanning bed with whatever underwear I have on and leave it at that. Now, before I learned the supportive benefits of boxer briefs, a nice trunk, or a classic tighty whitie, I pretty much stuck to boxers. So I got down to my boxers, slapped on those goofy looking glasses, and got in.

All seemed well until later that night. My penis was very tender…the slightest bit of friction from walking or moving about was terribly uncomfortable.

And it itched slightly. The baggy boxers Tanned sunburned dick cock balls had been wearing had apparently gaped open at the fly just enough to expose a lemon-shaped wedge of pasty white shaft skin.

Well, at least it had been pasty white. Now it was bright red. The shower water hitting me burned. Rubbing against clothes caused almost nauseating pain for at least two days. And then it itched like crazy. A week later, it peeled! And for weeks I had what appeared to be a lemon-shaped liver spot midway up my wang.

The woman by his side...

Skip ahead a few years. My roommate in college got a new computer and for the first time, we had the internet in our home. Jokingly, J, the roomie, put a bid in on it. Now, since she and I were both new to eBay, we had Tanned sunburned dick cock balls idea that what we had just bid on was a dutch auction. Bid two dollars on an instrument guaranteed to add inches to your manhood. A few days later, we got the dreaded email: Not wanting to Tanned sunburned dick cock balls our fresh eBay reputation, Tanned sunburned dick cock balls ponied up the two dollars and just paid for the damned thing.

Within a week, the pump arrived at our door step. It looked like a combination between a test tube on steroids and a blood pressure cuff. We had a laugh, and it got tossed into my closet. A few weeks later, I went to bed, and for whatever reason, my mind turned to the device "Tanned sunburned dick cock balls" the closet. A few moments later, I was the proud owner of a penis that, while not appreciably larger, was a bit more girthy. But it looked like someone was choking it.

It was reddish purple, and the pump was not at all comfortable. Fun over, I released the valve and pulled at the pump. I walked around my room, giant plastic object hanging from my johnson, and found some lotion—hoping that would provide just enough lubricant to extract myself from the pump.

Half a bottle later, I Tanned sunburned dick cock balls still stuck and starting to panic. I thought of ugly lesbians, naked old women, and read a passage or two from the Bible, all in an attempt to wither my weinie. None of it worked. The only thing that swayed me from that solution was the realization that the hammer was in the kitchen, two floors beneath me, and I would have to walk past J to get to it.

There was no way in hell I was going to explain the predicament to her. Finding a pair of scissors, I reasoned that I could cut the rubber gasket away to free myself.

By this point, some amount of time had passed and I was having a major panic attack. I was beginning to think the only way I was getting out of that pump was to go to the hospital and have it removed. This is some urban legend shit right here! Too mortified to even think of having to share what I was going through with anyone, I decided to try once more to get it off.

The throbbing had subsided some, and I figured that either my dick had fallen asleep or it had shrank a bit and the pressure had relieved itself somewhat. I put on a slathering of lotion and pulled hard at the base of the pump. My unit was dark red, veins bulging as if they might burst any moment. Over the next few days, a nasty bruise developed at the base of my penis.

Dark purple, then fading away over the next few weeks to varying shades of green and yellow. You amaze me that you can so nonchalantly discuss such embarassing and personal catastrophes on here.

I found your blog only recently but now I gotta delurk and tell you that I have just snorted coffee through my nose and on my shirt while reading your post. Even though I Tanned sunburned dick cock balls now walk around in work with a coffee stain on my blouse it was well worth it.

Thanks for the laugh. Lil Miss…had it happened yesterday, I couldnt talk about it. I just read this to your cuzzin, TrailerparkSkipper over the phone. She dang near wrecked from laughing so hard!!! This is truly one of the funniest things that I have ever read.

I bet your weinee post will past that number. My poontang was your inspiration!

It is a tan, due...

You sad, sick, fuck. I simply adore you. I however, was in a bathhouse once, in one of the really dark rooms, and my little rubber cock ring was pulling on a couple of pubes, so I reached down to adjust it, but found it to be a bit slick and it shot off into the dark.

Im sure it hurt like fuck. So do we get pictures? They got hotdog buns on sale at Albertsons ya know…. How did I ever miss this post? Now this, my friend, is some seriously outstanding writing! My most embarrasing moment with my dick was when I was posing for a feature in a magazine. Ok I thought and my dick was proud of being taken pics of when she then produced a large kitchen knife and put on arm around my throat and with the hand of the other arm she placed the sharp blade against the base of my shaft.

Her husband loved it and took several pictures. My dick just got harder. How silly is that, the thing risked becoming a Bobbit case and instead of shrinking, it beamed at the threat of it. I had a similar experience sunburn dick syndrome and can feel your pain. Tanned sunburned dick cock balls this on daddywank and commented: Read this story and had a good laugh. I had "Tanned sunburned dick cock balls" similar sun burnt dick thing happen to me in Vegas, so I feel your pain!

Great work and great story telling. I did it last summer. Really painful and then it started peeling. I used a penis health creme though and it sped up my recovery time.

It contained shea butter so it soothed my skin too. The creme was very helpful. Keep it in mind if you get burned down there fellas. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. The Vinyl Villager Kat…glad to get your morning off to a good start. Thanks for stopping by.

Is your penis in therapy? It was, but its since been cured. My sides are hurting from laughing. I read that one!! The 15 most important things every man should know about his penis.

I have also never been one for naked tanning, or clever little “press on tattoos” My penis was very tender the slightest bit of friction from walking or moving When I got into the shower I noticed the cause–I'd sunburned my dick!. Reminds me of when my brother-in-law got his cock n' balls suctioned.

tanned hussy with a hairy cunt gets banged by a big black dick · Tanned BBW with. Busty tanned brunette riding big cock and doing blowjob · Chick With A.

YOU ARE HERE:
News feed